The stillness of the place is wonderful and is also too much. I need the children here. It is their bustle and hurry, stirring and scooping, shouts and calls, that complete the scene. Wake up, wake up, Sleeping Beauty, school time is almost here!
The 'why' also has to do with the story about the bungie cord. Who am I to say what a comfort item should be? A comfort item is something that helps you connect with others, right? It could be a bungie cord or it could be a toy. And it could even be a fully branded, plastic, mass-produced toy!
Potty training doesn't have to be a power struggle if everyone is on the same page and the ownership is placed on the child - it is her body after all. For successful potty training there are two key components. First you have to be ready to commit to the process. It doesn't happen over night and if you are not ready to deal with the accidents and stick with it then you shouldn't start. Starting and stopping when it is convenient for you will send mixed messages and be confusing for your child.
Secondly your child needs to be ready too. This includes both physically and emotionally. Signs of this will include dry diapers for extended periods of time during the day, an interest in using the potty, cooperation and the ability to control their bowel and bladder muscles (having bowel movements around the same time each day, not having bowel movements at night, and having a dry diaper after a nap.) Children must also be able to climb, talk, remove clothing, and have mastered other basic motor skills before they can use the toilet by themselves.
If your child is resistant then do not force the issue. This will only result in power struggles, which we all know never end well for any of the interested parties. More importantly, forcing the issue can result in serious medical complications as a result of holding such as dysfunctional voiding, UTIs and encopresis, a serious condition where the muscles in the colon lose the ability to function normally due to over stretching from holding. This will result in fecal incontinence.
Bottom line is that not every child will become potty trained at the same age and it is a process not a struggle. Some kids will also need more time for bowel control than bladder control. And even after your child is potty trained there will continue to be accidents so always keep a spare pair of clothes on hand and some patience.
Flying home from a family vacation this summer, I sat behind a father with two young sons. The youngest child was only about 2 or 2 ½ years old. While the father tuned out by watching his DVD player with earphones and the older child took a nap, the youngest fussed and cried for over two hours. Sometimes I have to work hard to find the inspiration for one of these blog posts…but not this time. I knew before the plane landed that this would be an excellent topic to write about!
I am not unsympathetic to that father’s plight. I have traveled for hours in planes, trains, and automobiles with young children. I have waited with wiggly toddlers and impatient preschoolers in line, in doctor’s offices, in airports, and at the Department of Motor Vehicles. Waiting happens, it is part of modern life. And waiting patiently is an important life skill that we can help children learn.
As with everything else, we can teach children the most effectively when we provide a scaffold of support, one that gives children structure to help them learn, but doesn’t do it all for them. I know that there are wonderful games on smartphones, but I’m thinking about teaching children the art of amusing themselves in more old fashioned ways. Sometimes, after all, the batteries die.
Ideas for entertaining each other:
- Tried and true games: Peek-a-boo, I-Spy, 20 questions, counting something like cows, vw beetles, graveyards, etc.
- The wonderful, ancient art of storytelling. Relax, this is an amateur art, you can’t do it “wrong.” Favorite topics:
- old fairytales that you know by heart, extra points for funny voices for different characters;
- stories about when you were a child (especially the silly, naughty, crazy stories will be your biggest hits);
- Making up stories, alone and together, and even here the bar is low. I was nudged by my daughter into keeping a story about “Cynthia the Dragon” going for years. Her tale will never rank up there with “Winnie the Pooh,” but that wasn’t the point. It was a private little story crafted personally for my daughter that followed her interests.
- A balloon is the cheapest fun you can ever have, so keep one or two in the car or in your bag. It can be used by a toddler to squeeze and bop back and forth and by older children for quiet, slow volleyball type games.
- A piece of paper and a pen. I probably don’t even have to tell you what to do with these, but in case you need some reminders: scribbling, drawing, fold it into a “cootie-catcher,” tic-tac-toe or hangman, etc.
All of these games and activities naturally transition into ideas a child learns to use to entertain him or herself. The art of coming up with ideas to think about, games to play, and stories to imagine all provide ways for children to occupy and amuse themselves when they are in situations where there is nothing-to-do-but-wait.
Emory Luce Baldwin pulls from her Parent Encouragement Program (PEP) "bag of tricks" and real life to describe how to build, "special time." A way to drink coffee and read the paper? Alone? Without neglecting your child's needs? Do tell!